These Honest Lies

Life hasn’t exactly been kind lately.

Maybe it’s because of my whining. I need to put more “Oom” in my step and less “OMG! WHYYYY?”

Well, if ‘The Big Bad’ would take a chill pill too.. the rest of the family would be a lot happier. Word.

Anyway.. I’m gonna try my best to make up for my mistakes and give the people around me a lot more lurveee and less whine. Karmic cleansing.. like a colonic.. only less ickier.. hehe

I just hope my mom doesn’t go on her.. “FIND A MATE!” tirade again.. EEK!

Yes, she’s been on my case to find someone to take care of me. Aishhh.. my blood pressure.

What to do, liao? Her last daughter sooo unmarriagable.. No normal Bruneian wants her. Hehehe..

Got temper, high maintanence.. so picky oso.. How, lor?

Yeah.. what to dooo..

Gray Eyes…

どうして君を好きになってしまったんだろう どうして君を好きになってしまったんだろう ?

I miss you..

Even after all this time..

You’re not gonna know what it means to me unless you watch it.

I’m having one of those days where all my feelings and frustrations are just too close to the surface. And there’s no outlet.. I can’t because if I’m visibly upset, other people are affected, and not in a good way.. it makes life hell for everyone

Sometimes all you want is a cuddle, or a hug, or someone to come to your room and say it’s okay. I’m not locking the world out out of my room, I’m locking myself in, because sometimes, it hurts so much to bear, and because I don’t have that outlet available to me.. It’s easier to just be alone and left to your own devices.

The sad thing is.. I’m supposed to be the superhero.. or maybe I’m just the wannabe. But even when Wonder Woman or Buffy falls, they have the Justice League and the Scoobies to help out, and I don’t know if it’s because I don’t trust anyone with the burden, or maybe there is no one who is able to carry it as well as I’m supposed to… or if it’s just my lot in life.

I’m scared.. I’m really scared because I’m going to someplace dark in my head. And I keep thinking.. well I don’t have to be here.. I can disappear or just not be. They seem a lot more interesting options right now..

I don’t know… who I am.. I don’t know… what I’m supposed to be.. and what I’m supposed to be doing.. but right now.. everything in life seems to be rebelling against the greater nature of me.

If you don’t understand, it’s okay.. It’s hard to be in my headspace anyway. I’m just the girl.. who can’t cope with reality.. and maybe should have been extinguished long before a meant to be existence.

Sometimes it’s good to feel a little bit sad. But you gotta do it right! Nothing moves me like Dolly’s song “I will Always Love You.” No vocal gymnastics and quivering lips here.

And if Dolly ain’t your piece of cake.. Try a little Gilmore Girls love.. and Lauren Graham’s version of this classic.

Now if you’ll excuse me.. I’m just going to empty a box of tissues. *sniff*

1. Mario Kart

2. Legend Of Zelda : Ocarina Of Time

3. Legend Of Zelda : The Winda Waker

4. Legend Of Zelda : Majora’s Mask

5. Legend Of Zelda : Twilight Princess

6. Super Mario Bros. (NES)

Dear Shigeru San,

I have been a fan of Nintendo since my family bought a Nintendo Entertainment System with the now legendary blocky controllers. I remember spending many, many happy hours playing Mario to my hearts content as a child.

When the Super Nintendo came out, my parents immediately went out to buy one. It was the same story for the N64. My brother and I fought over Gameboys. I made it through my university years thanks to the GameCube and WindWaker. I am now 26, and my house has just recently bought a Wii and a copy of Twilight Princess. I know I will spend many, many hours joyfully uncovering the secrets hidden in this beautiful fantasy world you have created.

From the bottom of my heart, I thank you. I cannot express how much I have loved your games. I have played every version of Zelda ever made. Ocarina of Time remains my most personal favourite, though Windwaker ranks a close second.

I think I will always be a Nintendo gamer. For as long as you create such beautiful pieces of artistry, I will be there to appreciate them.

Arigato gozaimasu. *bows*

Just so you know.. I’m off to play Twilight Princess now.

*squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!*

Sadness, it lingers
Like a scar you can’t explain
Sometimes it heals and you can forget the pain

But when you can’t forget
No matter how time passes
You still carry the feeling despite the happy days

How do you go on
How can you go on
What can you do to make it right?
But sadness, it lingers
And makes a strange bedfellow through the night

Memories they linger
And the tears fall like rain
I hope that through open honesty that they’ll dry up one day

You, you linger
In the scent of your shirt
The smile on the photograph, the ring in the box

Do I linger?
Like a faded stain on the wall
Like a picture, once treasured, now stuck in the drawer

It all lingers
Maybe because I can’t let go
Because I knew that the truth is.. I still love you. Very much so.

I met this dude at the Singapore Book Fair.. (isn’t he totally cute!) Talented cartoonist with a book out.. nice.. Dutch boy with a Muslim name.. cool..

Here he is doing a snake oil demo :

Just thought I’d give him a little publicity.. Heh.. it does also help that he’s cute!

First of all.. PTB, my favourite commenter.. ROFL MAO. I nearly died laughing when I read your comments.. THANK YOU FOR MAKING MY DAY. I :wub: yew.

Secondly.. Reading the rest of this post could bring down your IQ by two points. Seriously. There’s nothing to be read here. Go away. Save your Braincells! RUN!!

Keep reading →

Did you hear that crystalline sound of something shattering today? That was my heart breaking into a million pieces. Oh crap. Yeah, crap. Shit. and BLOODY DAMN FUCK!

Plehhh…

It’s okay.. one dream doesn’t work out.. get out the old mental catalog and start from there. I ALWAYS have a plan. Someone was going to write that as an epitaph on my headstone. Rather gruesome, gory and maudlin.. but when you think in essence of the thought behind it.. it’s kinda.. well.. sweet.

God.. sometimes it frustrates me.. the disadvantages of being Bruneian. Would someone mercifully brainwash me, and reset my brain so I function at a “normal” Bruneian level so I just don’t fucking feel like fucking missing out on everything just because I come from a town full of hicks and dicks.. because I will then be a hick myself?

Sorry. Bitterness mode on. I don’t like it when I lose out on a dream. It’s very disappointing and discouraging. That said.. maybe there are other ways… or maybe not. Ugh. Where’s the bukkit of turpentine.. THIS FREAKING SUCKS. IT SUCKS WET WANG, MAN!

Chill, Alexis.. just cos one door closes.. and someone happens to let out a big fucking fart in the room.. and the window is kinda halfway stuck.. doesn’t mean that the Fat Lady is singing.. She probably too busy letting out the fucking damn fart to be concerned with letting out the high notes.

Breathe, in and out. Focus on the next 10 days.

Then begin again.