Longing to fall in love :.
Maybe I’m just a sucker for punishment.. but..
I’m in the mood to fall in love and have my heart achingly broken.. I don’t know why..
Actually I do know why.. if there’s anything that fuels my writing, it’s heartbreak. Gray Eyes has quietly retreated into the part of my head that rationalises that we can never be together physically, so he’s better off on the shelf with the memories of lovers past. And I haven’t really felt anything for anyone else for a while. A fleeting crush, maybe, but nothing significant enough to inspire my writing.
The drama at home is nothing inspiration worthy. It just feeds my anger and bitterness, and often just dredges up the wounds and insecurities I’d rather have hidden away. It brings out a part of me I’d rather not see.
Not that heartache is any better, it turns me into a weepy maudlin mess, makes me gain ten pounds and lose all proper perspective on reality, but that period of mourning and moaning is conducive for my wordsmithery and once I’m out of the fog of misery, I usually turn into +.1 V of myself, with extra experience points on my side.
And besides, it’s always nice to be in thrall, even for a little while. I’d like to put on the rose coloured glasses and see the world somewhat differently, rather than the blackness that’s been enveloping it all this while.
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