Stony Silence :.

How can you miss someone when they’re sitting right next to you?

At times I feel invisible, or as if I’m just this giant useless teddy bear sitting there.. Like I have no relevance or point of existence.. I’m just there

It makes me feel so angry and sad at the same time. And yet all I can do is stay silent, because is there really a point to say anything?

I don’t know how many times I’ve ridden gunshot with someone, and during the whole car ride, I never utter a word because I don’t have to.. the other person is constantly on the phone, or has nothing to say to me. Or if there’s anything to say, it just opens a whole can of worms better left untouched, and I get hurt all over again, fresh wounds to add to the ones already weeping, and the ones that have formed scars..

Sometimes I feel like an extra appendage.. superfluous.. of no use to anyone. And I’m really losing my head here, because I’m starting to lose myself.. I used to have dreams.. and now I’m not sure, or I’ve forgotten what it’s like to want something so bad.. or to have a goal to chase.

I am lost. I’ve said before, I didn’t need anyone. Maybe the real truth is.. no one needs me. I’m just the extra.. Nobody special.. Not worth noticing.

It would be merciful to just sleep in peace.

~ by alexisband on April 9, 2009.