Time to move on?

At times, like tonight, I come home feeling good and accomplished about myself, then my mother comes down and bombs me, ruining my high and happiness. It’s times like this I feel like I should move out and have my own way.

But then, my heart tells me, don’t. It tells me I need to stay where I am, because THEY need me. THEY need to feel needed. So I stay. And suffer, in the process.

I hate how I feel conflicted. I hate how I feel the desperate need to please them, even if I’ve done so all these years.

But, While they’re still around, let’s not regret. As time will catch up with all of us, eventually. And regrets will come despite our best intentions, I’ll do my best to carry on and do what I can. Despite it all, I love them, and they are my family, so I’ll just do as they wish for now.

Regrets may come later. But let’s keep the score low when they do come around. Regrets linger. And torture. I’d rather live with the small pains now, rather than live with the large pains I will never be able to heal.

But in the meanwhile, God save us all.

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~ by alexisband on August 14, 2010.