Public/Private :.
I really cherish my privacy and low profile. In a country like Brunei, that is so tiny that the person I interviewed today knew my grandfather and both parents.. :S Everyone seems to know my parents, and it’s no wonder, as they were very important people at the peak of their careers. I’ve always hidden behind them, and enjoyed my youthful indiscretions in their shadow. Popularity was never my thing, as what came with it was a lot of false friends and names that really never mattered much to me. I still really cherish my time in the London Soho scene when I was just myself, and not anyone’s daughter. 
But in my job as a journalist, I’m slowly realising that the luxury of being anonymous and hiding behind a multitude of names is being eroded away. With my name appearing in the paper almost every day, and as I continue to build contacts and network, not to mention that my face is regularly appearing on a social blogger’s site, I’m becoming more and more of a public figure. This really cannot be helped, and I guess I cannot nurture that need to be a nobody anymore. One of my colleagues at the paper said that we are the next generation of leaders anyway, and my job is a form of public service, bringing awareness to causes and issues that need to be heard.
As if the growing list of contacts in my iPhone wasn’t enough of a wake-up call and realisation that I’m becoming someone. In many ways, it’s refreshing. Being under my mom’s constant shadow for 3 years while I “worked” for her, I was withering away. My confidence was fading and I was losing sense of who I was. Only a few entries ago, did I say that I was finding myself again.. and perhaps, it comes hand in hand with what I do. This job/vocation is not just something I love, but it’s helping me grow into who I’m supposed to be. There’s no doubt that I am still in the developing stages of my adult life but at least I can say I am starting to embrace it as a responsible thinking adult now, not as the petulant lost semi-adolescent I was about 8 months ago.
I admit to still carrying on irresponsibly in some aspects of my life. But perhaps I just need to slowly grow out of it.Emphasis on the word slowly.
Meanwhile, my parents have to realise that the daughter that they’ve been fostering under their “armpit” (Literal Translation of a Bruneian Malay phrase here!) has grown up to be independent and wants to make her own decisions, and is capable of doing so, thank you very much. I can see their point of view though. With both of them recently retired and now reduced to a life of domesticity, they’re feeling premature “empty nest syndrome.” Either that or “VIP comedown syndrome”, having been relevant and important for a large part of their lives, suddenly retiring must have been a shock to their systems.
As for the empty nest, well, they really shouldn’t feel it, considering that all three of their children are still living with them. Don’t misunderstand, in Brunei, it’s really common for children to still live with their parents even after they are married and have young children. The values of the ‘Kampung’ or ‘village’ are still deeply ingrained in us, even in the current modern society, and families are very close. Even if a child moves out, it’s highly likely that their house might be just down the road or even next door to their childhood home. Also, the convenience of having willing babysitters for grandchildren nearby is a bonus.
The other thing is, that even in modern times, it’s still frowned upon for an unmarried young lady to live on her own, lest her reputation be destroyed by rumours, hearsay and gossip. To be honest, I am still reluctant to move out on my own, as I’d miss my sister and my nephew terribly. With my working hours and social life keeping me out of the house til the wee hours, I rarely do see and get to spend time with them. Living in the same house, at least if I see my nephew for a few minutes a day, at least that family feeling is still there. What can I say, us Bruneians, we really love them apron strings. 
I just wish my parents would grow up and realise that I don’t really want to leave them, but they’re suffocating the life that I’ve been building out of me.
Anyway, today I went to a food-tasting/Iftar dinner with some really prominent social figures in Brunei. I do know most of them through their public/online profiles, but in terms of personal relationships, I am actually familiar with just a few from the group. Imagine my surprise when all of them seemed to know my name, occupation and my secret baking side job! Yikes, it’s really obvious I need to embrace this public “Alexis Band” and make her part of my everyday persona. Not only do I have to dress right, I probably need to look after myself and lose a few pounds. The last thing I expected in my job was to be in front of the “paparazzi cameras”, when I’m supposed to be behind them. Looks like I need to build up that damn wardrobe and start dressing to kill. Amongst other things.
But you know, to be grouped with these people is not so bad. They are high profile social and community figures that do many good things, and to be able to be part of the group that can create social change is something for the better in my life.
Maybe this is who I am really supposed to be. What do you think?
