We are young! er… Old! :.
The knees haven’t been faring so well lately. If that’s a sign of old age, I’m doomed. lol. Or it’s probably just my body telling me to slow down and rest a bit.
I’ve been going non-stop like an energizer bunny. If it’s not work, it’s my part time business, or if not, the tattered remains of my social life. I’m constantly just getting in and out of my car, heading out to different places. I feel terrible for the earth because I think I filled up my gas tank about three times these two weeks alone. Not good, not economical either. *sigh* What to do, until we get awesome public transport in Brunei, I’m stuck with burning the fossil fuels.
I’ve just been transferred to A&P in the newspaper.. which is Advertising and Promotions. Yippee. It’s not bad, but it’s not great either. Most of the time I’m attending these client events and covering them, schmoozing and the like. It’s nice because I’ve get freebies and I’ve been to some fun events. But it’s bad because I don’t have time to write long features like I used to, which makes me feel like I’m doing something worthwhile. I feel like I’ve sold out a little. But, what can I do? Apparently I was transferred there because some previous advertisers that I did some articles for were really happy with my work, and the head of A&P passed on the message to the higher ups. Fortunately, A&P is still under the Features desk, so there isn’t much change in the change of command, but the running around does get me tired.
On Thursday, I finally met up with my (ex) best friend. We haven’t seen each other since that fateful November. Just a few phone calls here and there, just to touch base. I admit to holding a grudge, and may have no completely forgiven her for what she did. But nevertheless, I thought it would be good to let bygones be bygones, even if I haven’t completely let go of them.
Though the lunch itself was good, and it did feel a little like old times, I couldn’t help but feel the major distance between us. It wasn’t the crack in our friendship, but rather the changes that we had gone through, or rather the lack of change in her department. Since we parted, I started working, built a side business from the ground up, and my social circles have grown, and I feel very much a different person than I was before, changed for the better. However, when I was sitting there across the table, listening to her justifications for taking a “gap year” from her last semester at university, and starting a job as a teaching assistant, I felt disappointed and slightly angry. I couldn’t help but to simmer beneath the surface, but putting up a mask of lies and saying “good for you” when in reality I wanted to start screaming at her about how stupid she was being. When we fought last year, the only thing I wanted from her was to graduate from university, and now, it seems like I won’t see that happen. And I was listening how she was using the success that I had made for my life to justify the decisions she was making, when I knew they were just moot points. She wasn’t hungry for life the way I had been when I was working for my mother. I never knew her to want anything so badly that she loved it, breathed it.. dreamed of it. She was still the same person.. coasting, not wanting… waiting for answers to come that weren’t coming.I believe to succeed in life, you need to want it so badly, you’d sacrifice for it. The girl has not known sacrifice. She doesn’t know what real scorching pain is. She doesn’t know didly squat.
I may sound pretty judgemental, but I know her. I know her like she knows me. Even having been apart for a while, I still know the real her. She hadn’t changed nor grown. It’s something that’s hard for me to accept. I work with these dynamic and intelligent people who want more from life. They are revolutionaries and game changers. Working at a newspaper is not glamourous and sometimes as a reporter I get looked down upon and yelled at, or bullied by the big people from management.But essentially I believe in what I do, and so do the people I work with. Not a day goes by where I don’t admire the work ethic or dedication of my colleagues. Working with them gives me the strength and determination to do what I do, and to do it well.
I may have done her a disservice in not telling her the truth, but I was saving my breath. Knowing her as well as I do, means that I know that whatever I say would fall on deaf ears. We are essentially different people. I need to go my way, and she needs to go hers. Though it saddens me to watch her walk away from completing her degree, I have to trust that she has to make her own decisions and live her own life. I guess in a way, the crack in our friendship has probably served me well. I hope that it does her some good too. Whatever happens to her next, that’s her destiny, not mine, just as much as she has no say in determining what I do.
Right.. this post has gone a little too long and deep for my liking. I’m up early again tomorrow, running around, writing, and then going home and resting my head, as the cycle goes. Let’s make it through another day, please, knees!
